Fuck No by Sarah Knight
Have you ever found yourself saying yes to someone or something when deep down you knew the best thing to do in that situation was to say no? We often put so much pressure on ourselves to say yes and choose to ignore our natural instinct that is screaming for us to say no.
Why is it so difficult for many of us to say no? Why do we often say yes when what we mean is no?
These two questions are beautifully explained in the book Fuck No by Sarah Knight where she outlines that until we don’t understand the group we fall into, we will continue to say yes and not firmly sticking to our no’s. In fact, Sarah Knight outlines that saying no is a great way to set boundaries and these are valuable for us to have so that we can be respectful of our own needs.
According to Sarah Knight, there are 4 groups of people that say yes:
- People pleaser: nice person, but too nice for their own good
- Overachiever: believes that they should do it as they do it better
- FOMO: fear of missing out
- Pushover: dislike confrontation
We don’t necessarily just belong to one group, we can be part of two or even three groups. In my case, I was the People Pleaser and FOMO. I found it so hard to say no to people because I didn’t want to upset them, even if it meant upsetting myself in the process. Also, I found myself many times saying yes because I was afraid that perhaps if I said no that opportunity would never come round again. With the help of Sarah Knight, I understood that saying no is healthy and if done in a polite way there is no reason for anyone to get upset with you.
Opportunities come to us every single day, if I was not able to take an opportunity then I was welcoming for another and even better opportunity to come my way. Once I gained this understanding, I began to apply NO into my life and it felt great. For once, I was setting boundaries for myself and others and not saying yes to things I couldn’t or shouldn’t say yes to.
Saying no the first time was strange, it was completely outside of my comfort zone, but the more I kept saying it the less guilt I felt and the happier I became because I was only saying yes to what I truly wanted.
Guilt is a very interesting feeling, it consumes us completely and even if we have a strong case to stick with our no, the moment anyone makes us feel guilty we begin to reconsider our initial decision. So, how can we deal with this?
According to Sarah Knight, there are 4 steps we can take:
- Stick with your gut as some people just won’t quit and refuse to take no for an answer
- The best approach sometimes is to ignore people
- Acknowledge what others say and their needs, but also make them aware of your needs
- Engage with people and ask why they are so intent on you saying yes to something that they know you can’t, shouldn’t or don’t want to do.
“I’ve heard what you have to say, but it doesn’t change my mind” or “I don’t think this makes me a bad person, I’m done talking about it” – by Sarah Knight
When assessing whether you should say yes or no, it is important to distinguish between whether you are obligated to or you feel obligated to. Then once you have your answer, reflect on whether the reward of saying yes is greater than the sacrifice, if so, then go for it. However, if the reward is less than you saying no, then follow your gut and stick to your no.
When you learn to say no and stick to it, it’s a positive development for everyone because it improves your relationship and makes your interaction more fun and fruitful – by Sarah Knight
What do you need to say no to? Comment down below your experiences!
Are you ready to start empowering yourself by learning to say no and accommodating your own needs?
If this book has triggered your interest, I have provided a link below that you can use to purchase your own copy and indulge in the incredible lessons Sarah Knight has to offer you in a way that is simple, clear and easy to apply in your daily life.
Amazon link : https://amzn.to/3wnmBMs